Derailment Tactics and My Exhaustion with Continuously Explaining Why Oppression Is Real

“Last week a black person told me I don’t belong because I’m white! That’s racism too! Black people aren’t the only victims of racism!”

“A woman told me I should pay for the meal because I am a man! That’s female privilege! ”

“My family is from XYZ country and my people were oppressed and enslaved too! But we prospered! What is your excuse? You all are not the only ones who experienced slavery! Stop playing victim!”

“I saw a woman with $900 of foodstamps eating crab legs! They don’t need a living wage! They are living on my dime being lazy!”

Injustice has a script. It has been the same script for years. In more recent decades movements have grown and dynamics have shifted. Unfortunately, systems of oppression get perpetuated with the lack of education, lack of empathy, and good old social engineering.

If someone is on board with my anti-racism they are usually against my anti-patriarchy and anti-homophobia. Or, if they are on board with anti-patriarchy and/or anti-homophobia, they view my anti-racism as unfair and hostile. If I talk about disableism, with someone on board with all three, they think I’m doing too much. The lack of knowledge or carelessness about how all of these things intersect in daily life, is quite the challenge to deal with.

It seems the continuous absence of context also gets in the way of these conversations I have in various spaces. I always seem to have to be on the defense when it comes to talking about my experience as a black woman in particular. White women usually like to co-op my struggles with black beauty by saying “we all go through it”. Men usually like to gaslight me into saying I’m overacting about the dangers I face as a woman in public spaces. First generation children of immigrants usually like to use their experience to negate any negative black experience, by talking about how hard their parents worked. As if mine didn’t do the same.

Meanwhile they get to go back to their safer spaces, and I still have to go outside/work/school and deal with all of the things these people claim are imaginary or “not as bad as you say it is.”

Reverse Racism, Female Privilege, Homosexual Agendas.

Then there is the “reversal” tactics many claim. “I go through it too!”. Usually this is said when the oppressed party talks about their experiences with the “isms”, as the receiving end. I usually equate this scenario with an astronaut describing the wild affects of experiencing zero gravity with a person who has never been in space. Then they cut the astronaut off and say “that’s nothing! I floated in water and that’s pretty much the same thing!” The point of oppressive systems is to pretty much to degrade and break the party targeted. Having a black person get into college and not you, having a woman not take your number, seeing two gay men kiss, is not privilege. It’s called equality. The only reason you may see it as a negative thing because, guess what? Social engineering. It actually works that way. To where you think those types of thoughts against equality are original.

Morals and Intentions

After explanations run forth about how oppression is perpetuated and how it gets carried out. Then I get hit with “I think you assuming they intend to do so. Most [xyz] don’t actually mean any harm.” This one is interesting because in the case of racism or sexism, two things I can speak on, how does one go about making a mass of people hurt another mass of people? By making it seem that certain actions are okay. By systemically justifying certain thought patterns.

We can have a perfectly “good” white person, be a racist. It may not come out as him wearing a KKK hood. But it could very well be that he decides to hire Mike and not LaQuisha, simply because in his subconscious LeQuisha has a “ghetto name” and could have a “attitude”. Because he can relate easier with Mike. He sees him as a “good fit”. This thought can be for a fraction of a moment, yet it just kept someone from an interview. Slowing economic growth for her. Being Systemic. Does that mean he’ll call LaQuisha a nigger? No. Will he not hire the next black woman? We don’t know. Yet we can tell in high numbers that there is a general thinking towards LaQuisha. She seems to face this often by different “good people”

A man who whistles at a woman on the street may not be intending to rape her. Yet he is perpetuating the rape culture of making public spaces for women obstacle courses to walk through. He’s encouraging the notion women shouldn’t walk freely without being let known over and over how they are sexual objects. These same men teach other young boys the same notion. Then we have cases like the young men in the Steubenville rape case and wonder how someone could do that. We label people “monsters” and put them off in this separate category, instead actually taking the time to consider maybe we helped create those “monsters” with what we allow.

Then there are all the people who not only “feel bad” in result of certain actions, but are systemically hindered and blocked from living as full human beings.

Hypothetical Situations

If it’s not a reverse situation or an explanation of oppressive action, I get the “what if” as another derailment piece. “What if a black person said that to a white person? Is it racism then?” “What if a women said that to a man? Is it sexism then?”. Simply put, no it is not. These isms are collective systems that benefit certain groups. I can never benefit from sexism or racism. If I actually could me and thousands of others wouldn’t have been in the dozens of situations where it clearly shows we do not have the upper hand. Making a white man feel offended temporarily isn’t a benefit of these systems. Let’s not move away from what’s actually happening to situations where you feel you can finally get to call me a sexist or racist.  Derailing the conversation away from actual experiences with “what-ifs” shows just how invested one is in not admitting reality.

Exhaustion with Explaining

My initial cause is to spread solid information and educate. I want to build with others who are invested in building. I find these spaces the most rejuvenating. I like to read about history and look at the patterns of it. Unfortunately there are certain patterns like the ones above I have seen told in history books, and are now happening as I type. The same old script. The same ploys. The is the biggest irony of all is they don’t see how these same systems actually hurt them too.

I decide to talk and discuss things with the builders in my life. Those who ask me questions with the intention of disproving me don’t deserve much time. But I’m done explaining things to people who don’t want to educate themselves. I’m done talking with brown people from other countries who can’t seem to understand racism and it’s affects while berating U.S. black folk. I’m done talking to men who defend patriarchy while women still die from it. Done arguing about feminism to people who have never read about it. Done explaining economic disparity to those who get their economics from how they feel about poor people. It’s tiring and over time I learned not to “throw my pearls to swine”.

If you want to derail the conversation at hand, then you are apart of the problem.

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Derailment Tactics and My Exhaustion with Continuously Explaining Why Oppression Is Real

  1. There is a problem with your foundational basis. Racism is racism is racism is racism. Being racist is not dependent upon your race or the race of the people you are racist against. Racism is Racism is racism is racism. Being the victim of racism is not dependent upon your race or the race of the person being racist against you. Racism is racism is racism is racism.

    Sexism is sexism is sexism is sexism. Being sexist is not dependent upon your sex or the sex of the people you are sexist against. Sexism is sexism is sexism is sexism. Being the victim of sexism is not dependent upon your sex or the sex of the person being sexist. Sexism is sexism is sexism is sexism.

    If the fight is against “Patriarchal Oppression” and not sexism than the fight is never over. Even if you successfully implement Solanis’s SCUM Manifesto and murder all but 10% of men whom are kept locked in cages as sex slaves, the issue to be solved is still male oppression of women not the oppression of men. Keeping males in cages as sex slaves is still “Patriarchal oppression” disadvantaging women.

    If racism isn’t racism when it’s against the race of your races former owners than there is no such thing as a white racist because blacks enslaved larger portions of the white population for longer period of times than whites did to blacks.

    Trying to frame the issues as you do make your goals female domination and encouraging racism not anti-sexim and anti-racism.

    • Once again with the reversal theory.

      If these systems are equally yoked then please do explain why the evidence shows that there are certain parties who experience economic, health, and mental impact far worse than the parties that are supposedly equal in being oppressed?

      I see you decided to use a hypothetical situation:

      Women can subscribe to patriarchy as well and perpetuate it’s values. That’s the point of an oppressive system. It can embed itself into the thinking of everyone in it.

      I also see you used “You all are not the only ones who experienced slavery! Stop playing victim!””

      There are no residual affects of blacks owning white slaves in the east or western hemisphere.

      Once again, as I said in my post, I’m exhausted with trying to explain to basics. It means we can never move beyond the obvious happenings and just focus on me “being racist” for pointing racism out. Let’s see how many lives that approach saves.

      • Your missing the point. Past injustices DO NOT justify current injustices. Reversing injustices does not correct injustice. 100 years ago it was just common practice to have whites speak first. This was racism. Anti-racism isn’t to say that now blacks should be allowed to speak first, but to assign speaking order without regard to race. To say that Blacks should be given priority is just to perpetuate the cycle of racism that is many thousands of years old.

        If you want to argue that racism against whites hasn’t reached a point of a real cultural problem you can make a great case for that. If you want to argue that racism against whites isn’t even theoretically possible, you are just a racist bigot.

        Gender is very notably different than race. Different groups have kept people as chattel based on race. This has never been done along gender lines. Gender roles are interconnected interdependent divisions of labor, not oppression. With the development of new technology these gender roles have become outdated and regressive. To say that we should correct these outdated and regressive roles, but only for the people with the correct genitalia, is sexist bigotry.

        Racism and sexism are Bias + Power. No where in that equation does it say who’s bias or what bias. To exclude some forms of sexism or racism because they are uncommon is to be bias against the people you are excluding from being possible targets of racism or sexism.

      • Where in my post did I say it’s okay to be racist and sexist towards white men? Another derailment. I refuse to see real oppression? You seem to want to prove that being equal and correcting society’s wrongs means bigotry. Equalizing institutions isn’t bigotry. Refusing to acknowledge that these systems have benefited certain groups is delusional. Please go derail someone else. You obviously want to take my post and assume things I didn’t even say for the sake of proving that I somehow believe in oppression of white people and men.

      • If someone just directly states they are racist or sexist it is really hard to believe that they are fighting racism and sexism. In the modern world racism and sexism need to be hidden and obfuscated. “I hate men” would clearly be hateful sexist bigotry. “I want to smash the Patriarchy” is cover for that bigotry.

        It’s not that you don’t see real oppression. It’s that you see oppression that’s not real.

        Correcting society’s wrong isn’t bigotry. Only doing so for people with “correct” genitalia is bigotry. We need to correct gender imbalance in prisons as much or more than the gender imbalance in CEO positions. Trying to address gender inequality as a women’s issue is sexism.

        There are systems that have benefited certain groups. We need to stop these systems. We need to stop giving women a pass in criminal courts. We need to stop underestimating women in leadership. We need to properly fund inner city (black) schools, not fabricate bias in university enrollment.

        The “Derailments” that you identified are not derailments, but attempts to properly identify the issues so that they can be properly addressed.

      • Your premise is that men and women are equally disadvantaged by sexism. For the CEO example. Who holds most of those positions? Men. So how is it sexist to address that disparity? I never said only women benefit from gender equality. But addressing who is mainly disadvantaged is not bigotry. Who is mostly enrolled in Yale, Harvard, etc? White people. So how is it racist to address that disparity? Giving money to predominately black schools doesn’t address the fact these colleges have an obvious bias. That has nothing to do with qualifications and everything to do with racism. This isn’t subtle or hidden. It’s directly in our faces. I’m not a bigot for addressing an actual disparity that is happening. Plus black women actually have higher rates of incarceration about above any other race in the U.S. They don’t get a pass in court. That was a horrible example.

        Yes there are many issues to be addressed to create equality. But you seem to believe that addressing disparity is inherently bigoted. No. Going to have to disagree with that fully.

      • That’s just it. You have the issues wrong. The issue isn’t the number of women CEOs. This is a symptom of the problem, not the problem. The problem is that men’s actions are held to be more significant than women’s. This is seen in both CEO positions and prison populations. It is sexist to address CEO positions because the issue isn’t CEO positions, it’s an accountability gap. CEO positions is just how that gap negatively affects women.

        Question. Where did you get the numbers on black women in prision? My research showed that men of every race where incarcerated a dramatically higher rates than women of any race. With the incarceration rate for white men (the lowest rate for men) being many times higher than the incarceration rate for black women (the highest rate for women).

        Colleges don’t have a significant bias any more. The issue isn’t bias in excluding qualified students from University enrollment but the lack of qualified minority students. This lack of qualified minority students is not because blacks are lesser, but because mostly black schools are underfunded poorly run and don’t prepare students for higher education. It is racism, but the racism is happening at the local public school level not Ivy League University admissions.

        Addressing the issues to create equality is a good thing. But this is not what you are advocating for. You are not advocating that men and women’s actions be held with the same accountability, but that we discriminate against men in promoting women to top positions. You are not arguing that we need to stop the racism of underfunding and poorly running black public schools, but discriminate against whites in university enrollment.

      • It’s not about throwing women and people of color into positions over everyone else. It’s about addressing the fact that they aren’t even considered most times.

        My statement was on incarcerated black women over other women of other races. Men are incarcerated more. But that has nothing to do with women oppressing them.

        “It is racism, but the racism is happening at the local public school level not Ivy League University admissions.”<– So it can happen at public schools and predominately white institutions just never discriminate? That is some major denial.

        "but that we discriminate against men in promoting women to top positions". I didn't say that. I said address the disparity.

        "You are not arguing that we need to stop the racism of underfunding and poorly running black public schools, but discriminate against whites in university enrollment." No one said that either.

        I never said anything about favoritism. That's what got us in this mess in the first place. You seem to take my words "equality" and turn it around to mean "favoritism".

      • You are looking at end results and saying that end results are not equitable so we need to enforce parity in end results. This is bullshit.

        There are less Female CEO’s than Male CEO’s because there are less women with the qualifications. There are less women with the qualifications because less women get promoted into upper management. Less women get promoted into upper management because of the accountability gap. To fix the CEO disparity without addressing the cause we would need to have 230% of the qualified women as CEOs. This would require MASSIVE bias for women on the basis of nothing but genitalia. I have no clue what to call that if not discriminating against men, men that do have the qualifications.

        There may be some racial discrimination in university enrollment. At this time it is small enough to be undetectable against the massive qualification gap resulting from racism in public school funding.

        You address the disparity by finding the cause. The cause of the disparities you want to address is not racism. The cause of the disparities you want to address are qualification gaps. These qualification gaps are cause by racism/sexism. To say “Enroll more Blacks regardless of qualifications” is to discriminate against the whites that did have the qualifications for the seats. To say “More women CEO regardless of qualifications” is to discriminate against the men that do have the qualifications. Thanks to affirmative action a great many more blacks are enrolled in Ivy League schools than have the qualifications to be there. Given the 2% female prison population I expect that the 5% female CEO population is very significant bias for women.

        You are arguing favoritism, not equality. That you don’t see how is very problematic.

      • ” At this time it is small enough to be undetectable against the massive qualification gap resulting from racism in public school funding.” <— Sounds detectable to me.

        "To say “Enroll more Blacks regardless of qualifications” is to discriminate against the whites that did have the qualifications for the seats. To say “More women CEO regardless of qualifications” is to discriminate against the men that do have the qualifications." Once again never said that.

        There are plenty of people of color and women qualified who are overlooked.

        "Thanks to affirmative action a great many more blacks are enrolled in Ivy League schools than have the qualifications to be there." Yet they still run in the single percentages or barely double digit percentages in these schools. So AA must not be that great.

        I never said anything about favoritism. You said that. Please hop off if you are gonna just make shit up. And since you think facts are "bullshit". You can go somewhere else with trying to prove white men are being oppressed with equality. And PoC and women being considered in spaces they rarely get considered is "bigotry".

        The roots of these issues are racism and sexism. Not the symptoms.

      • Also if you call me a racist or bigot one more time. You will be blocked. I haven’t called you one name and my blog isn’t for people who just want to be disrespectful. Attacking patriarchy isn’t attacking all men, it’s attacking a system that has hurts society. If you equate patriarchy with all men then that’s what you endorse.

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